fused at the wound
is it love or is it addiction
why not both
she knows tears + I know anger
together we almost made a whole person for a while
fused at the wound.
but our little house of lies isn’t big enough to hold us now
she won’t stand up for herself + I can’t stand up
for both of us at the same time anymore
so we ride the broken lover’s seesaw of staying + leaving
one foot in + one foot out
we dance in the kitchen like unloved children + wait
for fulfillment of old pain’s expectations.
so anxious to leave
so anxious to be left
so anxious to be right
so anxious to be hurt
so anxious to be disappointed
so anxious to be alone again.
when this whole thing started
I wanted us to be immersed in each other
I wanted us to fix each other
I thought that was what people were supposed to do
I don’t want that anymore
I don’t need that anymore
but I still don’t know
how to love someone I don’t want to fix.
The fused at the wound by Rick Belden, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
9 Comments Add your own
1. Shen&hellip | September 25th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
This codependency positively explodes from this poem. Wonderfyl expression. thanks for sharing.
2. Paula&hellip | September 26th, 2009 at 6:26 am
Codependecy is so powerful, it takes so muhc courage and awareness to get out. Big warm hug
3. Rick&hellip | September 26th, 2009 at 8:45 am
Shen and Paula: Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. This poem seems to hit home for a lot of people.
4. Patricia - Spiritual Jour&hellip | September 26th, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Loving someone else comes only after you learn to love yourself. Learning that I couldn’t fix someone else was huge. I didn’t even know how to fix myself so how could I possibly fix someone else. Knowing that fixing someone else isn’t my responsibility enabled me to “Let go and let God.” That is one of the many things that I learned from Al-Anon. Thank God that my dad was also an alcoholic or I may never have gotten into a recovery problem that taught me about myself and what I was responsible for in my life.
Great poem. Thanks for sharing it.
5. Rick&hellip | September 27th, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I appreciated your comment, Patricia, and I think it highlights an important, sometimes neglected aspect of the experience I expressed with this poem. It’s about a sad, painful point in a relationship that mattered deeply to me, no doubt about that, but it’s also about a profound opening into a new awareness and knowledge of myself, my behavior, and my conditioning that I’d never had before. From that perspective, it’s not just about the impending death of the relationship, how we got there and how frustrated and hurt we both were about it. It’s also about a moment of awakening to a more authentic understanding of myself and the realities of being in a relationship. It’s a moment of liberation from the patterns of the past and a first, uncertain step toward new freedom and greater authenticity in relationship to myself as well as to others.
6. marjakathriver&hellip | September 28th, 2009 at 10:34 am
Wow! I am blown away! I can’t believe how honest and raw this is…how insightful this is…and how well-written. But, actually, I can believe it, Rick. You are an amazing poet. Thanks so much for allowing us to use this for this month’s Blog Carnival Against Child Abuse. I think many child abuse survivors can relate to being in a relationship like this, with someone else who is wounded.
7. Rick&hellip | September 28th, 2009 at 10:18 pm
Thanks, Marj, for reading and commenting. I really appreciated your remarks. I’m happy I could contribute something to this month’s carnival that seems to resonate so strongly with readers.
I think one of the biggest legacies of growing up in an abusive, neglectful family system is that there are so many life skills we need as adults that we don’t know because the people who raised us didn’t know them either. And so often, we don’t know that we don’t know, so we keep trying and failing and wondering why. At least in this case, I knew why.
8. Andrew&hellip | October 21st, 2009 at 5:37 am
Wow, painful poem. Well written and bravely expressed.
9. Rick&hellip | October 21st, 2009 at 12:28 pm
Thanks, Andrew. I’m glad you found it meaningful.
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