I’d like to take this opportunity to send out my thanks once more to everyone who’s taken the time to read the book and post a review. You’re the ones who made today’s news possible.

The complete archive of reviews for the book, at Amazon as well as from other sources, is available at http://rickbelden.com/reviews.

Rick has a unique ability to capture the real, raw experience often buried deep within the male psyche. I would highly recommend this collection for anyone trying to understand more about the complex inner world of men.

- Chris Blazina, PhD, author of The Secret Lives of Men

Someone needs to tell the truth, and Rick does, as well as giving other men permission to have a voice. His poems speak the stories of millions of men, and are a tightrope between his own personal world and the dark shadow of our masculine culture.

- Kathy Barbini, founder of Big Voice Pictures and producer/director of Boys and Men Healing

Iron Man Family Outing provides context and meaning for many themes men encounter: love, sex, women, fathers, mothers, and relationships. As a budding psychotherapist interested in men’s issues, Mr. Belden’s poems have informed, amused and educated me and I hope to be a better counselor for the experience.

- Mark J. Moller

A unflinchingly raw self-portrait of IRON MAN, the armored American male, born of and into violence and abandonment … Those males of similar background (purportedly 40% of the males in the U.S. have known such violence) who read his words with open hearts, particularly aloud with other men, may experience emotional release, self-acceptance, and possible intimations of redemption and forgiveness. Through reading this book, friends and partners of IRON MEN may gain compassionate understanding of their beloved’s difficult life journey.

- Robert Leverant, MFT

This moving and courageous book has made my clients who’ve read it feel deeply understood and comforted to hear another man articulate what they themselves often cannot put into words. Rick seems to be pitch perfect in portraying the inner world of men struggling to find themselves and be authentic in the shadow of an abusive, cold or perfectionistic parent. Highly recommended.

- Alaire Lowry, PhD, ABPP

I read this book for personal growth. It helped me a lot. The stories sound so much like my stories that I could relate to the feelings expressed.

- C. Simmons

This book is twenty years ahead of its time. That is to say that, on its 20th anniversary, it is very timely today for a male gender that is starting to claim a deeper way of life. I have used this book for my own growth and in my therapy work with men who are looking to live more fully.

- Steve Milan, LCSW

The Iron Man book touches on the pure emotion of what it is to be a man. And ultimately, it touches on what it is to be truly human, warts and all. The subject matter makes clear that it is our vulnerabilities and our shortcomings that challenge us to show up bigger.

- Thomas J. Eggert, MA, LMHC

I was especially moved by Rick’s brief, hard hitting poems; specific images that cut right to the heart of what many men feel in relation to fathers, sexuality and emotional healing. Rick has tapped deeply into his creativity to bring his healing to our lives.

- Chris Frey, psychotherapist and author of Men at Work: An Action Guide to Masculine Healing

As a male psychologist in training, I found this book so enlightening and inspiring for myself, but also for my clients. The honesty, depth, and vivid ways Rick draws in his reader is astounding … I know this book has truly touched my life and I would highly recommend it to male clients, therapists working with men, parents, fathers, sons, teachers, men in general and more.

- J. Nepute

I find the poems strong, beautiful, honest, stark, essential. There are so many I like, but just read “Fused at the Wound” and was particularly struck by that. Also interesting that it transcended gender.

- Marla Estes

As a therapist who specializes in men’s issues, I have seen a number of male clients struggle to put into words how they are feeling. I have recommended this book to help them see that it is possible. Worth checking out if you have struggled yourself or know of someone who might need an shining example of a person’s ability to open up honestly about the joys and trials of life.

- Ryan McKelley, PhD

This book helped me to communicate my own feelings and experiences. Belden has put into words some things I had not been able to articulate. It has helped me reconcile some of my own past. It has helped the woman in my life understand me and men a bit better too.

- adventure guy

As a therapist I like to work with men’s issues. I now use Family Outing as an essential reading tool for self-exploration and awakening. It has been enjoyed by both the growing men I have had the honor of meeting in therapy, as well as colleagues who are open to issues specific to men.

- Curious Buddha

To see the full versions of these and other reader reviews for Iron Man Family Outing, click here. If you’ve read the book and would like to post a review, you can do so on the Iron Man Family Outing Amazon page at:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0911051562

Many thanks to all of the readers who’ve taken the time to post their comments.

This is a must-have text for professionals working therapeutically with men. It has a way of connecting to a man that has experienced interpersonal struggles with his father, with a romantic or sexual partner, or with himself.

Later in his review, Dr. Saland shares some examples of his use of material from Iron Man Family Outing in his work with clients:

As a mental health professional, I have used some of his poems as therapeutic interventions. I presented “crazy armor” to a group of young college men to illustrate the masculine metaphor of Iron Man’s armor and how it may harm men. In individual therapy, I used “body memory” to help a client connect his history of trauma with current somatic complaints.

I’m always so pleased to read or hear about therapists and counselors using material from Iron Man Family Outing in their work with men, and with women as well. I’ve felt all along that it had great potential for use in therapeutic applications, and I’m excited and encouraged to see that others are also recognizing that potential and bringing it to realization in their own work.

Dr. Saland finishes up his review with some comments about the artwork in the book:

Special recognition is warranted for the art illustrations throughout the book done by John Dolley … The artwork truly captures the emotionality of the book.

As I’ve said in the past, I can’t imagine the book without John Dolley’s artwork. It’s almost inconceivable to me now that there was ever a time when my words were standing alone without his illustrations, and I was very happy to see Dr. Saland’s comments about John’s work in his review.

You can find Dr. Saland’s full review of Iron Man Family Outing on the Division 51 “Book Reviews” page or click here to go directly to the review.

part one: life behind this mask
part two: hungry wounds
part three: dance of the unloved child
part four: iron man dreams
part five: shadowland
part six: the unclaimed soul
part seven: hints of daylight

John’s memorable artwork took the material I’d written to a whole new level I’d never anticipated. I’ve always felt extremely fortunate to have had the benefit of his contributions to the project. I can’t imagine the book without them.

“This memorable and occasionally haunting book of poetry is less about art and more about sharing and integrating the experience of growing up as a man. It gives words to men that we have not had before. It is graphic and real. It doesn’t pull punches. This is not your momma’s book of poetry. But it is just what you might need if you are a man who is looking for an example of how to come alive!

“This book is twenty years ahead of its time. That is to say that, on its 20th anniversary, it is very timely today for a male gender that is starting to claim a deeper way of life. I have used this book for my own growth and in my therapy work with men who are looking to live more fully. Rick shines the light on the path. Now it is for us to walk it.”

There’s no way I can possibly express how much it means to me to see a response like this to my work, twenty years down the line. For the better part of those twenty years, the majority of the 2000 copies of Iron Man Family Outing printed in October 1990 remained packed in their original boxes, the casualties of a publication deal gone wrong, stacked like bricks in one closet after another as I moved from place to place to place.

I’d felt the work very deeply while writing Iron Man Family Outing, and my conviction that it had value for others was also deeply felt, but I could find no place for it out in the world. I felt haunted by all those boxes of unused, unread books that were always with me, and in the spring of 2006, after more than fifteen years of trying and failing to find a solution, I finally decided to scrap them. I just couldn’t bear the thought of holding on to them for the rest of my life, and then leaving it up to someone else to dispose of them after I was gone. I made them, I was responsible for them, and I honestly felt that there were no other reasonable options left, so I began the process of breaking them down, one book at a time, and recycling the paper.

I knew this task was too big, not just physically, but emotionally and psychologically, for me to take it on all at once, so I made a commitment to scrap one book a day until they were all gone. Every evening, I pulled one book out of its box in the closet, removed the front and back covers, and tore out all the pages until nothing was left but the spine. Then I tossed all of the pieces into the recycling bin.

I’m not sure how long this went on; probably for about a month or so. At some point during that time, I happened to be standing in the front yard outside my home when the biweekly recycling pickup at the curb took place. As the recycling truck drove away carrying the remains of the books I’d scrapped during the previous two weeks, I saw one of the trashmen riding in the back pick up one of the detached front covers and give it an interested look as some of the torn-out pages swirled around him in the wind. It was a surreal, painful moment for me as I watched my long-ignored work finally catching someone’s interest while its remains blew around him in circles in the back of a trash truck.

This process of scrapping books, one book a day, could have gone on for quite a long time. I was convinced that I was doing the right thing, that I was doing what was necessary to move on from what I saw as my greatest disappointment in life, and painful as it was, I had no intention of stopping. But something completely unexpected happened: I had a dream, a dream that told me, in no uncertain terms, that I should not continue to scrap the books. And so I stopped.

I didn’t know then why I was supposed to stop, but the information in the dream was completely unambiguous, so I did. Eighteen months later, to my complete surprise, Iron Man Family Outing was reborn. Looking back, I can see how absolutely fitting it was, given the genesis of the book’s development in my dreams, that it would be rescued, quite literally, by a dream. I’m just glad I was still listening after all that time.

I sometimes regret scrapping those books and wish I hadn’t had to do it, but I think it was necessary. It’s hard for me to say exactly why. The best theory I have is that I had to let go of all my prior long-held needs and expectations for the book in order for it to become what it was supposed to be, and that I had to sacrifice a little part of it to do so. I had to give up hope to make way for the truth. But even in doing that, I kept my original promise to myself to see the project through to the end, even if it meant tearing up every remaining copy myself with my own hands. I think this was the key. I gave up my hope, but I never gave up my responsibility to the work and to what I had created.

Twenty years is a long time to stick with anything. Earlier this week, a reader wrote to me and said he admired what he characterized as my “perseverance and dedication,” and that sure felt good. But I also know that there’s more to it than that. This project, this process, has always had its own schedule and its own life, and my role has always been to serve the process rather than to drive it. This is trickier than it might sound. When I forget my role in the process, when I try to put my own desires and expectations ahead of the process and the work, I’m only getting in the way and causing myself all kinds of unnecessary trouble. Letting go, being present, being patient, and waiting for direction may sound like “soft” work, but it’s some of the hardest work I know.

Hard, frustrating, disappointing, painful, gut-wrenching, heartbreaking, lonely … yes, the last twenty years with Iron Man Family Outing been all of that and more, at times. But not for nothing. Every time I hear from a reader who’s found my book helpful, I feel a little freer because I know I’ve helped someone else feel a little freer. I know I’m not alone in this work, as do they. I liberate myself by helping others liberate themselves. Any sacrifice I make comes back to me a thousandfold as I see one more ugly little shard of my past transformed into something beautiful and life-affirming. That is reason enough to have hung in there with this work for the past twenty years, and to stay on the path it’s shown me, that long, crooked, and sometimes broken path, for as long as it continues to unfold before me.

Iron Man Family Outing also continues to make its way up the list of top poetry books at Amazon and is currently ranked number 12, again based on reader reviews.

The complete archive of reviews for the book, at Amazon as well as from other sources, is available at http://rickbelden.com/reviews.

“wild cactus dancer”
“last trip to the doll house”
“shadow world monsters”
“how far down”
“secret children”
“waterfall”
“out of body”
“the day my father died”

I hope this new preview format with additional excerpts gives everyone a better sense of the full scope of the book and the material within. The preview page for Scapegoat’s Cross is located at http://rickbelden.com/new_book.

The interior of the book will be printed in black & white (no color) so I’m looking for illustrations that can be reduced to 4.5″ x 4.5″ for a 6″ x 9″ book and reproduced in halftones without losing the effect of the original artwork.

My goal is to develop artwork for the book that expresses, distills, frames, and amplifies the themes, energies, and tones present in the writing. My intention is to provide the reader with a visual context that both introduces and reinforces the material in each section.

This project will require an artist who is able to feel some resonance with the written material and is also capable of translating challenging subject matter and strong archetypal themes from the verbal to the visual, in a manner that is both subtle and powerful.

My preferred style of work for this project is collaborative. I have specific images, themes, and/or visual concepts in mind, in a very raw form, for six of the seven sections of the book, and I would expect all or most of these visual reference points to be incorporated into the finished illustrations. But I’m also looking forward to a creative process that includes input from the artist with regard to concepts and thematic visualization, and I believe that level of active participation on the part of the artist will be essential to the success of the project.

If you think this project may interest you, I encourage you to have a look at the “New Book” page on my website, where you can view the table of contents and read excerpts to get a better idea of tone, style, and themes. You might also find it useful to explore some of the other material on the site (most of which is drawn from or related to my first book) to give yourself some additional reference points.

If you think you might be a good candidate for this project, please contact me via the email address listed on my website at http://rickbelden.com/contact and let me know how I can see some samples of your work.

Thanks to everyone who’s taken the time to read the book and post a review. The complete archive of reviews for the book, at Amazon as well as from other sources, is available at http://rickbelden.com/reviews.

Father’s Day update: I was delighted, shortly after publishing this post, to discover that Iron Man Family Outing is now number 3 on Amazon’s list of books about father-son relationships, based on reader reviews. I’m still quite stunned at this news. I had no idea, but I guess it’s appropriate that I’d find out on Father’s Day, of all days. Wow!

The complete archive of reviews for the book is available at http://rickbelden.com/reviews.

I’m honored and encouraged by Kellen’s recommendation, and hopeful that I can continue to move this new work forward.

Rick’s work, if it is anything, is transformative. It holds out in optimism that by courageously facing the child we were, we can create a more rewarding future for the adult we want to become.

You can read his full post in its entirety at Men’s Well-Being.

In other “IMFO in the UK” news, another counselor based in the United Kingdom, John Kennett of Kent Counselling for Men, recently added Iron Man Family Outing to his Amazon UK Listmania list “Men, masculinity and maturity”, describing the book as a “raw and powerful means of accessing the inaccessible.”

In response to this recent UK news, a friend remarked to me via email, “I do think it is great that Iron Man is offered for sale in English pounds.” I have to agree.

I’ve posted some preview material on my web site at rickbelden.com/new_book, including an excerpt from the introduction and some of the poems that appear in the book.

I’m also making preview copies of the complete manuscript available to those who’d like an early look. Please see rickbelden.com/new_book for information about getting a preview copy.

In her comments about my book, Rebecca said:

What a treat to read such an authentic and heartfelt book. Through the use of poetry Belden tells his story of growing up with an abusive father. Belden allows the reader an insight into his heart and takes us along in his struggles to claim a conscious manhood. If you are looking for pretty poetry, this isn’t the book. This is raw, truthful, and captures both the darkness and the lightness of meeting one’s past. While Iron Man Family Outing may seem to be for men, it helped me as a woman have a better understanding of what men may be going through within themselves.

You can read her full post in its entirety at The Mindful Beat.

Rick Belden is a fellow Austinite who has written a book, Iron Man Family Outing, of healing poetry about his own personal journey of growing up male in American society. His poetry is moving and poignant. His descriptions of his family, himself and his relationships strike a chord with everyone with whom I’ve shared them. I highly recommend this book.

You can read her full post in its entirety at Kellevision and also at Kellen’s blog at Intent.com.

Kellen’s recent post “Making Yourself a Target: Replicating the Scapegoat Role in Your Life – How to Stop Doing It” is yet another insightful entry in her excellent ongoing series on the the role of the scapegoat in dysfunctional family systems. This is a subject that deserves far more attention than it gets, in my opinion. I’m grateful to Kellen for shedding some light on the experience and the dynamics of the scapegoat role, and for providing practical, helpful information for those who need it.

* Jason Fierstein of Phoenix Men’s Counseling praised the book’s “use of metaphor” and said the “poems are very transformational, and really give a voice to the modern male experience – one which is frequently (and unfortunately) not discussed.”

* Jack Kammer of The Center for Men and Boys in Social Policy commented on the isolation many men feel with their so-called “personal problems” and said the book “makes it unmistakably clear that any man who sometimes feels alienated from his best hopes and from his own, best, most cherished view of himself is most decidedly not alone.”

* Life/Executive Coach Sean Casey LeClaire said that “Belden explores the shadow side of the male journey” and added that the book “comes at a wonderful time, as millions of men find themselves without work … the opportunity to face themselves with courage and decency, which Rick’s poems do, is most timely.”

The complete archive of reviews for the book is available at http://rickbelden.com/reviews.

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

Our mission also includes serving girlfriends, wives, partners, family members and friends by providing information and support resources on the web.

The 1in6 web site is rich in content and well-organized. Many of the books recommended on the site (including Iron Man Family Outing) can be borrowed, without charge, from 1in6.org. This is a wonderful service and a great way to make these materials available to men who need them and wouldn’t be able to obtain them otherwise.

I wholeheartedly support the work of the 1in6 organization and I’m honored that Iron Man Family Outing has been selected as a recommended resource for visitors to the 1in6 web site.

A few highlights from recently posted reviews:

* Dr. Martin Srajek, Director of the Center for Men and Masculinity, wrote an expansive review that provides one of the most thorough, nuanced commentaries on the book to date.

* Graeme Daniels of Self in Addiction wrote a detailed, perceptive review that included specific comments on some of the individual poems. Graeme also posted some additional review comments on the book and on specific poems in the reader reviews section of this blog.

* Tom Golden of Crisis, Grief, and Healing emphasized that the book’s portrayal of “the masculine style of healing through creativity” provides useful insights for women as well as for men.

The complete archive of reviews for the book is available at http://rickbelden.com/reviews.