My poem “reverie” is the featured “Poem of the Issue” in this week’s edition of The Austin Chronicle. This one is just about a month old, although I actually started it in January 2010. Started it, got stuck, forgot about it, and then picked it back up and finished it about 18 months later. Very unusual for me to do that. Usually, if I don’t wrap ‘em up within a day or two, the moment passes and that’s the end of it.

I’m always looking for her. Always. I seem them everywhere, but not her. Did she already pass through my life and I missed her somehow? From a purely statistical standpoint, I know that if I counted up all the relationships, love affairs, dates, crushes, friendships, random encounters, near misses, and failed attempts, those numbers alone would lead me to the conclusion that I should have found her by now.

The numbers, oh the numbers. Much of the time now I feel like there isn’t room for even one more woman in my head, much less my heart. Where do I put them all? Every woman I’ve ever wanted, touched, felt, loved is still with me, even the ones I think I’ve forgotten. I add to the list every time I’m in the grocery store. “I want her and her and her …” But I don’t really want her and her and her. I never did. I want the only one I’ve ever wanted. I want her.

dark-eyed luxury
brilliant hourglass
plush warm lovely
forgotten dream.

forgotten dream
forgotten worlds
forgotten self
forgotten need.

she is jungle
she is ocean
she is starlight
she is music.

glorious illusion
forbidden treasure
holographic past
someone else’s present.

with her I want
with her I remember
but wanting is not having
and remembering is not being.

(PDF version)

* “thrashing”
* “meat for the machine”
* “bottom line guilt trips”

Warning:
“meat for the machine” is a very raw, super intense take on dysfunctional sexual relationship.

Parts one (“reflection / refraction”) and two (“male / female”) of the three-part “Iron Man Family Outtakes” series are now complete. Next up: part three.

sitting with me
going nowhere
momentary heat connection
somewhat real and
somewhat fake
intersecting intersections
flashing lights in
frozen lake.

party girl
needs a husband
party boy
needs to last
both of us are underwater
both of us are
fading fast.

(PDF version)

there are four volcanoes nearby
in various stages of eruption and
pre-eruption.

one of them has a restaurant atop the crater
people are still there eating.

I can’t believe they haven’t left yet.

(PDF version)

temptation + obligation (firetrap dream #2)

I’m sitting between two women
the woman on my right is my girlfriend
the woman on my left is a friend of hers
her friend is incredibly warm + sexy.

we’re sitting on top of a bus
the bus is parked on the side of the street
we’re watching people come back from fighting the fire
it’s like a parade.

her friend starts
coming on to me
flirting with me
she asks me what my birthstone is
she tells me
how attractive I am
how much sexual power she feels around me
she begins to kiss the side of my face
her lips are warm full + soft
I like it.

my girlfriend starts to get upset
in her usual restrained way
I’m really leaning on her + now
her friend’s really leaning on me + I feel like
this isn’t fair to my girlfriend at all.

(PDF version)

Rick’s work, if it is anything, is transformative. It holds out in optimism that by courageously facing the child we were, we can create a more rewarding future for the adult we want to become.

You can read his full post in its entirety at Men’s Well-Being.

In other “IMFO in the UK” news, another counselor based in the United Kingdom, John Kennett of Kent Counselling for Men, recently added Iron Man Family Outing to his Amazon UK Listmania list “Men, masculinity and maturity”, describing the book as a “raw and powerful means of accessing the inaccessible.”

In response to this recent UK news, a friend remarked to me via email, “I do think it is great that Iron Man is offered for sale in English pounds.” I have to agree.

I’ve posted some preview material on my web site at rickbelden.com/new_book, including an excerpt from the introduction and some of the poems that appear in the book.

I’m also making preview copies of the complete manuscript available to those who’d like an early look. Please see rickbelden.com/new_book for information about getting a preview copy.

The group will do a small amount of reading each week from writings by David Deida, Rick Belden, Chogyam Trungpa and others as a starting point for seeing our full role in the world. These writings have very different takes on the journey, and we will work with their ideas to find our own path.

Click here to read the full announcement about the group.

This group, which will be held at Sol Associates in Austin, looks like it will be a great opportunity for everyone who attends, and I’m honored that some of my work will be included as a resource for the group.

For additional information, contact group facilitators Steve Milan and Shelley Imholte.

Update (09/04/09): I’ve been informed that the facilitators of this group will also be using material from my new, yet-to-be-published book, Scapegoat’s Cross, in the group. I’m very happy to see this new material being put to such good use so soon.

In her comments about my book, Rebecca said:

What a treat to read such an authentic and heartfelt book. Through the use of poetry Belden tells his story of growing up with an abusive father. Belden allows the reader an insight into his heart and takes us along in his struggles to claim a conscious manhood. If you are looking for pretty poetry, this isn’t the book. This is raw, truthful, and captures both the darkness and the lightness of meeting one’s past. While Iron Man Family Outing may seem to be for men, it helped me as a woman have a better understanding of what men may be going through within themselves.

You can read her full post in its entirety at The Mindful Beat.

Rick Belden is a fellow Austinite who has written a book, Iron Man Family Outing, of healing poetry about his own personal journey of growing up male in American society. His poetry is moving and poignant. His descriptions of his family, himself and his relationships strike a chord with everyone with whom I’ve shared them. I highly recommend this book.

You can read her full post in its entirety at Kellevision and also at Kellen’s blog at Intent.com.

Kellen’s recent post “Making Yourself a Target: Replicating the Scapegoat Role in Your Life – How to Stop Doing It” is yet another insightful entry in her excellent ongoing series on the the role of the scapegoat in dysfunctional family systems. This is a subject that deserves far more attention than it gets, in my opinion. I’m grateful to Kellen for shedding some light on the experience and the dynamics of the scapegoat role, and for providing practical, helpful information for those who need it.

* Jason Fierstein of Phoenix Men’s Counseling praised the book’s “use of metaphor” and said the “poems are very transformational, and really give a voice to the modern male experience – one which is frequently (and unfortunately) not discussed.”

* Jack Kammer of The Center for Men and Boys in Social Policy commented on the isolation many men feel with their so-called “personal problems” and said the book “makes it unmistakably clear that any man who sometimes feels alienated from his best hopes and from his own, best, most cherished view of himself is most decidedly not alone.”

* Life/Executive Coach Sean Casey LeClaire said that “Belden explores the shadow side of the male journey” and added that the book “comes at a wonderful time, as millions of men find themselves without work … the opportunity to face themselves with courage and decency, which Rick’s poems do, is most timely.”

The complete archive of reviews for the book is available at http://rickbelden.com/reviews.

what’s the half-life of a lousy childhood?
stranglehold tentacles
come out of a house where
nobody I know lives anymore
body and soul clench like a fist
when that hairy hand tries to pull me down
I need lights
I need noise
I need naked female flesh all around
else I implode.

how do I give up what I don’t understand?
this home isn’t broken it’s blown to hell.

now here’s a place where I can be unhappy in peace
totally safe and unbelievable
a crime against everything I was brought up to be
a slap in the face to that guy who thinks
he knows how it’s supposed to be done
a tight connection to all those old friends
I thought I’d left behind
whores just like me
who knows what they sell themselves for?

last chance for ro-mance
take care of these ladies and they’ll take care of you
why do I need this?

the weird thing is I don’t even see
most of these women anymore
not even as objects.

can’t buy a thrill?
sometimes I can sometimes I can’t but
I don’t need a thrill
I need a break.

(PDF version | Video version)

The mission of 1in6 is to help men who have had unwanted or abusive sexual experiences in childhood live healthier, happier lives.

Our mission also includes serving girlfriends, wives, partners, family members and friends by providing information and support resources on the web.

The 1in6 web site is rich in content and well-organized. Many of the books recommended on the site (including Iron Man Family Outing) can be borrowed, without charge, from 1in6.org. This is a wonderful service and a great way to make these materials available to men who need them and wouldn’t be able to obtain them otherwise.

I wholeheartedly support the work of the 1in6 organization and I’m honored that Iron Man Family Outing has been selected as a recommended resource for visitors to the 1in6 web site.

plastic shoe bag
pup tent luv hump
monkey wiggle freeze-out
smoking hat funk.

animal hammer dance
virgin forest loner
happy insect yearbook
angry bow tie boner.

(PDF version)

A few highlights from recently posted reviews:

* Dr. Martin Srajek, Director of the Center for Men and Masculinity, wrote an expansive review that provides one of the most thorough, nuanced commentaries on the book to date.

* Graeme Daniels of Self in Addiction wrote a detailed, perceptive review that included specific comments on some of the individual poems. Graeme also posted some additional review comments on the book and on specific poems in the reader reviews section of this blog.

* Tom Golden of Crisis, Grief, and Healing emphasized that the book’s portrayal of “the masculine style of healing through creativity” provides useful insights for women as well as for men.

The complete archive of reviews for the book is available at http://rickbelden.com/reviews.

The complete archive of reader reviews for the book is available at http://rickbelden.com/reviews.

The complete archive of reviews for the book is available at http://rickbelden.com/reviews.